Are You Sabotaging Yourself?
So pretty much everyone reading this blog would say they want to be successful. We all joined the biz with great hopes and expectations. And probably got trained on what to do to get started towards success.
So if you’re not there yet, what’s holding you back?
When I ask the question at seminars, a frequent answer I get is self-sabotage. Many people feel they are not doing stuff they know they should be doing and they’re not sure why. This is why I do so much work on worthiness issues and prosperity consciousness.
So is that the real issue for you? Perhaps. Perhaps not.
I think the concept of self-sabotage is sometimes a red herring. Too many people cause a lot of self-induced emotional angst thinking they are sabotaging themselves. The reality is, they are experiencing a conflict of interests, values, or goals.
For example, many people have one part of themselves that desires business success, another part that desires the comfort zone of staying where they are. One part wants to be rich, another part desires personal time to loaf/ relax/ or pursue personal hobbies. You may have a conflict between the desire to indulge in junk food and the goal to be in good health.
So maybe the place to look is your real desires or goals…
Most everyone in our business would say they want to be wealthy. But when Tuesday night rolls around and there’s an opportunity meeting to attend, they just can’t make it past the TV remote control. When it comes times to call prospects, they end up surfing the Net instead. These are conscious choices they make because they want one thing – but they want something else even more.
So give this some serious thought. And please check in below and let us know what you think the real situation is with you.
-RG
Well, since it looks as if I’m the first to comment- would it stand to reason people aren’t as willing to discuss what holds them back as they are about which company has the best products, plan, etc?
Anyway, here is my introspective look at an issue that has continued to nag me over the years (10) but, has even developed (gotten legs) as my two kids get older.
I’m sure we all remember when we used to have sleep overs, campouts and B-day parties and your new friends’ parent(s) asked you, “what does your dad(mom) do for a living?” And you’d say, ” oh,, he’s an engineer, restaurant owner, works for the city, etc. etc.” Nowadays, my two kids 13 and 15( girls) say, ” oh, they sell vitamins or they’re in sales”.
Which doesn’t seem like a big deal to them because we’ve only been with one company the whole ten years and they know everyone in our whole group–no out-of-staters here (my bad!!)
…my point is the day should be here that they can say “my parents are network marketing distributors with xyz company” and nobody would raise their eyebrows.
Unfortunately, that day hasn’t arrived (at least around here)…and, of course, we all know that its not what they say but how they say it that makes all the difference. If their voice shows the pride and belief in what their parents do is helping people, than that goes a long way towards changing the stigma that permeates this industry.
So I say, show your kids what it is you do, have them try/use the products and give them confidence so they are comfortable in public settings.
great article/blog, right on the nose. thank you!
WOW!! You are so right. The other day I heard my self say “you can do more.” I argued with the thought at first, because I thought I was doing enough. But then I realized, i was doing a lot of daydreaming about my business instead of doing something about my business. Although my thoughts were big thoughts, they were my comfort zone. It’s time to do something about my thoughts.
The reality is, they are experiencing a conflict of interests, values, or goals.
Isn’t that the definition of self-sabotage? Having two values:Safety and Freedom pulling you in oppositte directions?
Hi Randy,
Tom “Big Al” Schreiter told me something that answered this for me, once and for all. He said that people do what is their highest intention. All the goal setting and guilt and seminars and CD’s and books in the world can not make us act in a way that is other than our highest intention.
But…we can play little games with ourselves as a way to self-motivate to overcome our highest intention and go for our goals.
It works for me:)
Mary Jo
Can you explain the games, please?
Thanks
Awesome perspective!!! Could you elaborate a bit on the “little games” that help keep you motivated.
Thanks,
Ben
Hi Mary Jo,
I think of my highest intention as something that would also be for my highest good. I would not consider sitting in front of the tv instead of making calls or going to a networking event as being in my highest interest.
I think we do play games with ourselves but those games are usually talking ourselves out of things we are uncomfortable doing.
So I think I sabotage myself, but I think it’s by focusing on things I think I need to do in order to be successful instead of the actual things I need to do. I do this out of fear. Fear of success? Fear of rejection? Fear of failure itself.
Hi Randy
WOW!!!!!!! Yesterday I read your post about daily mantra’s for attracting welath so have been using them and today I had a pohone call about soemthing I had totally given up hope on and it is HAPPENING! A small matter of just £30,000!!!!
I say again WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Blessings!!!!
Richard Avon
So true Randy. We get too comfortable and procrastinate. It’s the Old Story of the dog laying on the porch, howling. It’s on a nail…….But it does’nt hurt enough for it to get up and move…..So it howls. But you need to ask yourself, “How bad do I want this?”
-RG
I agree, break through the bondage of the comfort zone.
The rewards on the other side are well worth it.
-djm
So true Randy. Nothing fancy to say except I many times allow none income producing activities take over my day.
I’m rather new at this sponsoring. I got some pointers from my fellow associates at an out of town conference I attended. It’s just that procrastinating, taking that first step. Gosh, I really want to do this. I ask myself, am I ready for this? Ready for what? Just that first prospect to tell my story to. Need to get with it right now!!!!
Hi Randy
This is so spot on for me. Whether it’s called sabotage or procrastination or simply “no drive” or not motivated enough, the question is, how do we get out of this rut when it happens to us? It’s easier to see other’s faults or point the finger to other people but that won’t help me grow – working on my own faults is the most difficult thing to do consistently.
I’ve been successful all my life at high levels – how can I do the same in network marketing as well? Oh, it’s called work isn’t it? We just can’t avoid it. There is no secret. I’ve seen it from the inside and out. What we know and what we do… it needs to be congruent. Results come from doing, not just knowing. All this is in my head so it kills me when I don’t get going in my business and find other things to do to occupy my thoughts.
I really do want it… or do I? I really do! Then why this battle all the time?
Overcoming fear and breaking the procrastination habit is my constant battle in this business.
nice post..anything you said is true..most people in our industry are doing this kind of crap..but I think the reason why they are doing this its because of POOR mind set and attitude..
peace..
Hi Randy,
First I want to say I love you materials. I learn a great deal from you.
I am a westerner living in Taiwan. I do MLM in Chinese. I speak Chinese fairly well (although with some accents;-) ) I don’t write and read Chinese. So, everyday, I go out of my comfort zone talking to Chinese prospects, go to meeting and learning without being able to read but just listening. I can’t present the business the way I would present to a westerner. I want success for sure. Who wouldn’t want it? Yet, my business hasn’t been a great success. I refuse to think it is cultural problem.Why? Because i don’t want to find any excuses. I think after being out of comfort zone for many years but not reaching success yet, my mind get tired and wants to take a break…Of course, i could say I would be a great success in my home country. But I don’t think the point is here. I think my mindset is not as strong as before. Eventually I chose to stay in comfort zone instead of stepping up to the plate and to break cultural barriers….
Hi randy,
much much thanks! it’s a very good material to be pondered upon. indeed, it’s a great help for ive been experiencing those times of feeling devastated or that “self-sabotage” just the past weeks. im happy to have been receiving blogs from you. Im looking forward for more learnings as im just new in this industry. 😉
Hi Randy,
Your article could not have stated better. Realizing our reasons for doing the business or identifying our “WHY’S is the absolute core to our success. It’s what helps us to make it to a Tuesday night meeting or making the follow up or invite phone call instead of watching TV. Planting you flag in your business with a non negotiable attitude is one of the key elements needed to be successful.
Thanks Randy for the wake up call
Well, I’m just the person you’re talking about. I say I want success and financial freedom yet do everything but what it takes to get there. So then when I find someone interested in changing their lives, how do I in all honesty teach them the steps needed when I am not doing this myself?
I do want to lead the life of my dreams, I do want to help others changes their lives yet…..it remains a distant….constantly just around the corner hope. It frustrates me to no end to remain tied to golden handcuffs, never using the key to release me that is in my pocket.
Why do I do this to myself? Do I love misery? Do I feel undeserving, love to punish myself for some past life evil doings.
I have attended countless seminars, purchased dozens of programs and stacks of books (many read, many not) but seem no closer. I have gathered tons of information and how to’s to the point that I rarely hear anything new.
Deep inside I know that I know what to do AND how to do this great business. Am I destined to be an information collector but never a doer? Am I just in love with the idea of success yet afraid to commit? I wish I knew. Maybe my dreams are not clear, my goal unfocused.
It feels like I am the king of procrastination and self sabotage and I probably do have so self worth and prosperity challenges.
So How do I turn this around? How can I be that man I know I can be,…before that man leaves this earth with the music still inside and never was able to reach those I should have?
RG— Great minds. You and Wayne Dyerr are playing in the same sandbox of late. 8^)
It IS a matter of choice Randy, but “we” don’t always have one. The “because” of that is belief. There are a pack of beliefs I call the FADWAS (Fear, Anger, Doubt, Worry, Anxiety, Sadness) that can get in the way of making a choice. If one of the FADWAS “has you,” choosing is not an option. The work there is to do then is…
1. STOP the negative thinking (belief = a habit of thought).
2. Create a new & improved belief (positive thoughts and feelings).
3. Practice (until that/those become a habit . belief).
Not sure if there are other ways, but that’s one I know and know works. Not (always) easy. Does take time & discipline. And…
Thanks RG.
I appreciate you.
Hi Randy,
I think a way we sabotage ourselves is by being busy but not productive. I know sometime I try and prepare everything so it’s all perfect but put off things like calling international prospects because it’s an effort with the timezone difference and delays.
This way we still feel like we’re doing something, like commenting on this blog 😛 but not really doing what we need to have real success with the business.
Good blog! I think the cause of self sabotage comes from the upline sponsor/directors because of lack of proper orientation for their downlines. We as the leader needs to change people’s mentality about our business. Some upline dont even train their people. We need to change people’s way of thinking. If they know their “why”, surely they will do something to better their lives. Belief me, no one needs to endure poverty.
-Olalekan Olajide
Founder of TheRealDeal Int’L
Spot on RG. It’s as much a conflict or lack of “Purpose”. Sure, it’s possible to be with the wrong company or even a great company at the wrong time. Mostly, people never develop a strong enough “Why” to act with “Intention” and “Purpose” on a consistent basis. Or, they initially define their “Why” but never reinforce it. Hence, no good result and a “Conflict Of Interest” driven by a lack of Purpose. One of my Mentors, Paul Caldwell, once told me something that has stuck with me. “Having a Dream or a Why is not a plan – but without them no plan is complete”.
Hi Randy,
You are truely a great guru!
You are so so true of what you have mention, Randy, I am getting around it and be serious, and be more discipline. Thanks for the guidance and highlighting this.
Francis (IAA Malaysia)
Absolutely true. I also have that experience. To become what most people don’t have, you must do things most people don’t do !
I’m not exactly sure that a lack of “Why” is the reason why people don’t do what they need to be doing in the biz. I have met many people with a very strong Why or Vision and yet still find ways not to do the rainmaking actions on a daily basis (myself in this group). I feel there is some element of self-sabotage, or perhaps just a lack of focus and discipline to really do what it takes to be a success – and this applies to most anything in life.
Most people are content where they are – they may have big dreams and goals, but it is much easier to stay where you are every day then to do what needs to be done. That’s really the only difference between you & I and other very successful people, whether it be in network marketing or any other avenue. Talk to a decidicated Olympic champion, or a pro golfer … every day they make choices that bring them one step closer to success. The question is do you and I do that as well? Something to consider first thing in the morning.
Hi to All!
Although I agree that self-sabotage/worthiness issues are are HUGE piece of the “why aren’t I succeeding” puzzle – I think people miss the BIG picture about conflicts of interest and finding your “why”.
When I hear people talk about their why in almost any network marketing program – it usually has to do with money and things. Which is fine – I’m all for money and things. However, I believe we are all put on this planet with a “deep, motivational why” for being here – and it rarely has to do with money or things – much more often (I believe) it’s about service. Helping others.
In my experience, it doesn’t matter whose program you’re in – if you haven’t found a way to INTEGRATE it with that deep motivation you carry with you – you are in conflict – with yourself. And you will sabotage your efforts – until you find a way to align what you’re doing with what you’re here for.
Food for thought.
i enjoy reading all the blogs posted here because i learned a lot from other’s experience. i am planning to join in networking business so, at least i know the pros and cons, the do’s and dont’s. thanks for sharing your ideas guys..- from philippines
Hello Randy,
Self Sabotage or just the fact of Not Knowing?
Anything and Everything we choose to do is EASY, the unfortunate reality it is always EASIER not to.
If anyone has the desire to have or do something, it takes the mental awareness of bringing the things or events to accomplish it from: I could do this, I should this, to a daily practice of I MUST do this.
Be Blessed,
Robert Buchholz
for me its about alignment… getting clear vision of the goal and not wavering based on value conflicts…
when i am clear it falls into place, and i know i have a conflict when its not falling into place and i have to try to focus… the “trying” is the symptom of the problem!
a state of flow… like a river or stream, flowing smoothly until there are rocks in the stream. sure i can continue on trying not to let the rocks cause too much of a stir, but it is easier to just remove the rocks so the stream flows unencumbered.
peace out…
my comments are shorter and shorted now? WOW… its a miracle! hehehe
I AM FRUSTRATED BECAUSE I KNOW I HAVE PEOPLE SKILLZ AND LOVE SALES BUT CANT FIND A PRODUCT THAT I CAN BELIEVE IN AND PROMOTE , I WANT TO BECOME MORE AND DO MORE I LIVE IN A COUNTRY WHICH I FEEL NOTHING IS HAPPENNING ITS ALSO NOT THE MONEY ITS THE NEED FOR FULLFILLMENT , I AM WRITING A BOOK I WANT TO BECOME A PUBLIC SPEAKER I EXCERCISE AL THE TIME , BUT CANT PAST THIS HURDLE I NEED A CHALLENGE THATS REALLY WORTH IT A WORK THAT REVEALS MY GREATNESS , RANDY WHAT DO YOU ADVISE ME I NEED A CHALLENGE AND QUALIFY MENTORSHIP
SELFEMPLOYED ,BROKE AND DESPERATE FOR A CHANGE
Hello Randy,
I’ve been in this business for seven months now and I’ve just begun to brake some ground. I talk to people everyday, to enlighten them about the opportunity as well as self-forfillment in Net Work Marketing. Although it takes alot of determenation and focus, I still have to grit my teeth with a smile everytime I’m told no or that’s not a real business. I truly don’t believe that it’s self sabotage, but I can’t tell you why I haven’t reached my worth. When I speak to most people I sence fear from them because they think I’m trying to sell them something.(YES), but also showing them a way in which they can profit as well. I will have your latest book soon to give me the extra edge I need in this business, also to help me build a successful team. I look forward to your reply or any comments from other readers. Thank you, WON”T QUIT!!!!!
I dream a lot, I talk a lot but my actions do not match up to neither my dreams nor my thoughts and words.
Great blog and so true.
I have been working at my biz for some time now and just recently, while I was musing over why my team is growing ever so slowly despite a wonderful coach, a wonderful marketing plan, a wonderful product… I mean, in that case, the problem must be ME…
I came to this realization that while I am not at where I say I want to be…(I want to be earning $100K a month, live in a Good Class Bungalow in the eastern side of sgp costing 10Mil or so, drive a white merc SLK open top convertible) but at the same time, the irony of it is that deep in me, in my subconscious mind, I feel I am exactly where I want to be.
When my best friend asked me, “When you made your millions, how would you lead your life differently?” I suddenly realized tat I wouldnt really lead my life very differently. Maybe I would live in a bigger house or drive a bigger car.. but I really wouldn’t lead my life very differently from what I am doing now.. I would perhaps just travel more often and more freely…
I would love to read what you have to say about that because I do want to break through this.. sometimes i feel as if I talk about success all the time but I am not willing to pay the price… I am not willing to get it at the expense of not being able to spend quality time with my kids, at the expense of not being able to tour the world freely (even though I agree if you dun have money, you can’t really tour many places anyway), at the expense of not being able to cook for my family, at the expense of feeling stress and strain month after month especially when month end closing is near…
Hey Randy
I have a feeling that we probably always sabotage ourselves to some degree in different areas as we go through life. Would you say that’s true? Surely as we develop and reach higher levels of success there are always new challenges and we sometimes fall back into our negative patterns as that is part of the contrast of the ups and downs.
I think people have an idea (me included) that when they really make it everything is rosy all the time! In reality I know that even when you make it really big (like you for example) you most likely still have to consciously prevent yourself sabotaging your efforts now and then?
Tell us what it’s like for you Randy. 🙂
The comfort zone is certianly what I have to face and work through. Thank you for pointing things out that help us manage what we need to within us to go forward.
Following my exploration, billions of people on our planet get the personal loans at good creditors. Thence, there is a good chance to receive a commercial loan in all countries.
Hey there great website! Does running a blog similar to this require a lot of work?
I have very little knowledge of coding however I had been hoping to start my own blog soon.
Anyway, should you have any recommendations or techniques
for new blog owners please share. I understand this is
off subject nevertheless I just wanted to ask.
Many thanks!
Also visit my web-site – cheap international calls (Leslee)